Dear Future Me
Dear Future Me,
This week you got a tubal ligation. While you have no regrets and peace about it at the time of this writing, I wanted to write to you in case in 2.5~ years or so (that's when the craziness usually hit) you get mad at me for the permanent decision. Let me tell you, it was not something you chose lightly. From about 20 weeks into the pregnancy with Ari, you thought "Why not 1 more?". You had an appointment to talk about birth control options where you were going to sign the tubal ligation papers. While you were adamant that you were done, 2 days beforehand, you held a baby. (You also held a baby that talked you into a 3rd) Note to present self: STOP HOLDING BABIES. I digress. You decided then and there, you could do one more.
Even in (what I saw someone else refer to) the 100 days of darkness (after Ari's birth), you still tossed the idea back and forth. Never mind that she's a terrible sleeper or that the house you live in could not hold another one. You had a hard time after number 3, lady. You never got a full bout of postpartum depression but it was on the edge. You sought help and therapy helped you tremendously. When your patient husband who is the most loving dad admitted that he could not do it again, not at his age and not having to watch you go through it again, you knew for sure what had to be done.
#3 was hard on your body. So many aches. Although the birth was worth it and beautiful (you had an awesome doula!), it was still hard. Although you might have the space now and maybe the mental capacity to have another one, your present self knows that wouldn't be enough. That cute little toddler you have now is hopefully sleeping through the night because at almost 8 months it's pretty iffy. You made the right choice. I'm sure in that time span you will answer the question, "You didn't want to try for one more? For a boy?" a billion times, hopefully you'll have some witty comeback and it won't sting so bad. I hope that you'll have accepted the things you won't have. I hope that you'll relish the fun and adventure you are going to have and have had with your 3 daughters. Right now, they're almost 7, 3-1/2 & 7 months. You are so tired that you don't know how you stay awake sometimes.
You made the right decision for you and your family. If you get sad about it, read this and I hope it affirms what you already know, 3 was your number. A family of 5 is now complete.
Sincerely,
Present-Exhausted-Not Regretful Me
This week you got a tubal ligation. While you have no regrets and peace about it at the time of this writing, I wanted to write to you in case in 2.5~ years or so (that's when the craziness usually hit) you get mad at me for the permanent decision. Let me tell you, it was not something you chose lightly. From about 20 weeks into the pregnancy with Ari, you thought "Why not 1 more?". You had an appointment to talk about birth control options where you were going to sign the tubal ligation papers. While you were adamant that you were done, 2 days beforehand, you held a baby. (You also held a baby that talked you into a 3rd) Note to present self: STOP HOLDING BABIES. I digress. You decided then and there, you could do one more.
Even in (what I saw someone else refer to) the 100 days of darkness (after Ari's birth), you still tossed the idea back and forth. Never mind that she's a terrible sleeper or that the house you live in could not hold another one. You had a hard time after number 3, lady. You never got a full bout of postpartum depression but it was on the edge. You sought help and therapy helped you tremendously. When your patient husband who is the most loving dad admitted that he could not do it again, not at his age and not having to watch you go through it again, you knew for sure what had to be done.
#3 was hard on your body. So many aches. Although the birth was worth it and beautiful (you had an awesome doula!), it was still hard. Although you might have the space now and maybe the mental capacity to have another one, your present self knows that wouldn't be enough. That cute little toddler you have now is hopefully sleeping through the night because at almost 8 months it's pretty iffy. You made the right choice. I'm sure in that time span you will answer the question, "You didn't want to try for one more? For a boy?" a billion times, hopefully you'll have some witty comeback and it won't sting so bad. I hope that you'll have accepted the things you won't have. I hope that you'll relish the fun and adventure you are going to have and have had with your 3 daughters. Right now, they're almost 7, 3-1/2 & 7 months. You are so tired that you don't know how you stay awake sometimes.
You made the right decision for you and your family. If you get sad about it, read this and I hope it affirms what you already know, 3 was your number. A family of 5 is now complete.
Sincerely,
Present-Exhausted-Not Regretful Me
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